I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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