she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
