I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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