Grow some girl-balls and come out already
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
