she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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