Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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