Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
