Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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