I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
