Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
