Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is my gift to your gina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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