Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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