Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
