watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
