well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
