Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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