it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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