Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
