You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
