I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
