I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
