we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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