Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
