Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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