i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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