love makes seman taste better
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like iHOP with fire
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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