fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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