I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just had sex on a roof
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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