I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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