Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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