similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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