I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
