im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
