One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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