Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
