Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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