could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
