There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
