Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
