I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
