Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
