So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
