Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
