Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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