I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
