oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
