What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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