i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
