Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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