Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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