She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
