I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
