First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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