having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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