I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
