easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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