you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
