Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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