I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
