..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
