none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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