My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
