Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
