Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
